The Random Hilarity of Speaking Your Mind
by EfinityFabala
Summary: Here's why SOME CATS should keep their thoughts to themselves. Have fun reading it.
1. Bet You're REALLY Confused Now

**this is a version of **xbramblestarx**'s idea... url of the original thing:** h t t p : / / xbramblestarx . deviantart .com/art/Warriors-for-Dummies-Part-1-99068670

**enjoy! prepare yourself for crazy couples and random hilarity.**

Brightspirit: Hello, children. My name is Brightspirit. Let's all just pretend that I don't totally remind you guys of Spottedleaf, cuz she's fox dung compared to _me_. I am an ancient all-powerful StarClan cat chock-full of AWESOMENESS!!! (C'mon, only awesome cats have names like _Brightspirit_.) That's right. Bask in my glory...

Jayfeather: Oh, I am...

Brightspirit: *licks paw, touches shoulder.* Sizzzle....

Honeyfern: Boo hoo! Boo hoo hoooo!!!! I should not have died it's so unfair!! Now Poppyfrost is probably going to steal Berrynose, and then I'll be ALONE FOREVER!!!!! Waaahhh!!!!!!

Dustpelt: ...Was that supposed to be funny?

Ferncloud: I wuv my Dustpelt, and will do anything for him! HECK, I'd have his kits every other MOON, if...that was...physically possible... Oh well I'll get Spottedleaf to set that up for me cuz she's all magical and she can do ANYTHING!!

Spottedleaf: Sol is a reincarnation of me. But he's also my son who I had with Barley but then Barley cheated on me with Ravenpaw and I decided to flirt with Firestar because he's just so darn cute!!! Ooh, yeah. Bet you're REALLY confused now...

Barley: I never liked Spottedleaf. I LUV BLUESTAR!!!!!

Bluestar: Oakheart is so mean I think he's having an affair with Spottedleaf. SHEESH StarClan cats think they can do anything they want!... I'll go get Stonefur to pummel Oakheart while I make out with Barley...

Ravenpaw: NOOOO Barleyyy!!!!!!!!!!!

Oakheart: So what if I made out with Spottedleaf everyone's doing it these days! And does anyone deny that we'd make a cute couple??!! *gets crushed by boulders* Not again!!!

Spottedleaf: DID THAT SCUM BRIGHTSPIRIT JUST CALL ME FOX DUNG???!!?!?!!?!!!

Firestar: Spottedleaf can be a little slow on the uptake, but hey, she's HOT. With a capital H!... Hello, this is Firestar, here to say, GET OFF MY BACK I'M _NOT THAT OLD_ AND I DON'T WANNA DIE YET!!!!!!!! WAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rumors: Firestar is going to die soon!!!

Firestar-Haters: We hate Firestar he's such a Gary-Stu he's sooo booooring. And he's old. _Really reallllyyy_ old. But we have mixed feelings because some people want Brambleclaw to be leader and others hate his guts... So yeah...

Hollyleaf: PACK PACK, **KILL KILL**!!!

Brightheart: ...not cool man...


	2. Harshing My Mellow

**thank you sooo much for reviewing!!! (****if you think about Firestar's upcoming comment, it's really not inappropriate in the slightest. they're CATS.) ok, i'm done talking. enjoy my chappie.**

Rock: Me Rock. Me wiiise.... OO! OO AAH!! OOH! AH-AH!! *licks paw, touches shoulder* Sizzzle...

Fallen Leaves: Try living with THAT for all eternity...

Kestrelpaw: I wanna be the full medicine cat!!!! I hate Barkface. He's so old. He should DIE.

Barkface: Whoa man. You seriously just harshed my mellow...

Hollyleaf: I WASN'T EVEN _BORN_ WITH MELLOW!!! I HAVE NO MELLOW FOR YOU TO HARSH!!! SO HA!!! Just TRY to make me mad!! It won't work because my mellow was harshed out before I was even conceived!!! Heeehee heh eheheheehh hehheeeeeh.... *foams at the mouth; passes out*

Leafpool: She refuses to see a therapist... or go the Insane Asylum... Hi, I'm Leafpool. I was sensible and wise when I was an apprentice, but ditched all of that somewhere in the old forest. Since coming to the lake I've had an affair with a WindClan dude because I was feeling unloved in ThunderClan, got pregnant over the course of a one-day stay away from the Clans, and basically ruined everyone's lives with the pure _disaster_ that is my children... But I'm not one to complain. At least Lionblaze seems to like me...

Lionblaze: Momeeeee!!!!!

Leafpool: **WHAT DO YOU WANT!??!?!!?!?!!**

Lionblaze: *sniffle, sniffle...* .....neevveerrmiiinnnddd.....

Crowfeather: Yeah. As a mother, Leafpool pretty much sucks. But hey, _that's_ not why I had an affair with her... *wink*

Jayfeather: I try to ignore Crowfeather. He's pretty much a creepish pervert with a bad attitude and too many mates. _I'm_ too smart to fall for some decieving, starry-eyed she-cat. They bring a guy nothing but trouble. I'll _never_ get mixed up in all of that love and romance crap.

Brightspirit: Riiiight...

Jayfeather: *nervous clearing of throat* Ahem. Well, moving on. I basically hate the world, minus my amazing Stick of Destiny. Everyone just LOVES to trod on my tail and seriously harsh the shred of mellow that I have left.

Barkface: FINALLY someone who understands!!!

Jayfeather: I hate you, too, Barkface.

Barkface: Waahhh!!!!!

Mothflight: I'm Mothflight (I guess this chapter is mostly for medicine cats or something?) I'm basically a phony wimpy jerkface who doesn't believe in StarClan. Me and Cloudtail should form a club. Word.

Cloudtail: FOR THE LAST TIME!!! I am NOT going to start a club with Mothflight!! SHEESH.

Brightheart: Cloudtail maybe a pig-headed kittypet loser who disses StarClan on a regular basis, but he's not that bad, really... Wow, actually that DOES sound kind of bad... Hmm...

Whitewing: OH NO!!! Are my parents going to get a divorce??!!??! This is HORRIBLE!! THIS IS DREADFUL!!! THIS IS--ooh look a _penny_...

Birchfall: I hate how overly-observant Warriors fans are. They just HAD to go tracing our family trees back to Whitewing's and my grand-parentage or something. They just HAD to prove that we're somehow distantly related. ENOUGH WITH THE INCEST TALK PEOPLE!! Newsflash!! Cats don't keep track of that kind of thing. Hmph.

Thornclaw: I need a mate. I want to steal Sorreltail away from Brackenfur.

Brackenfur: GASP. Oh no he didn't.

Cinderpelt: WELL? Are you going to sit back and just TAKE that crap from the guy who wants to steal your girl? HUH? LEMME SEE SOME CLAWS BOY!!!!

Brackenfur: Umm... rawr?

Whitestorm: Hello. I'm Whitestorm. I'm pretty much the hottest package of white fluffy awesomeness that you will EVER meet. Yeah. That's right. Bluestar is my auntie. You're jealous...

Spottedleaf: Does Whitestorm seem strangely hotter all of a sudden?? Or is it just me?

Whitestorm: It's just you. But hey, I'm not complaining.

Thistleclaw: Muahaha. I'm pretty much an awesome villain. I rock. I make my evil apprentices mutilate cute little not-yet-evil kittens named Tiny. I'm bad to the BONE. I'm so bad, I make Brokenstar look like a fluffy bunny. I'm so bad, I CREATED Tigerstar and Scourge. Without me, the forest would basically be totally peaceful and happy. Bluestar's kits would be happy in ThunderClan. But she probably still wouldn't have become leader. Adderfang would have been leader because Bluestar was in the nursery. Firestar would never have come to the forest. And, if you think about it, that means that DAISY would never have come toe the forest. WOO HOO! I'm so awesome I indirectly brought the most annoying lump of wimpy spineless fur EVER into our lives! WOOOO!!!!!!!!

Brackenfur: Great holy StarClan.

Sorreltail: What?

Brackenfur: I'm my sister's father.

Cinderheart: Brackenfur just HAD to come right out and say it, didn't he?! He just HAD to totally SCAR ME FOR LIFE!!! AAAHHHH!!!!! Excuse me while I go have a freak out...

Thornclaw: I'm not as young as I used to be. I was the first dang warrior Firestar ever named. Some call it an honor--I call it some kind of weirdo curse. I STILL don't have a mate! I DESERVE a mate!! I plan on hitting on Sorreltail while Brackenfur and Cinderheart are having their little freak out...

Sorreltail: Brackenfur has to realize that there's really nothing wrong with fathering your...sister. It's perfectly...normal. He just has to get over it and move on with his life and OH MY HOLY STARCLAN THIS IS **SO WRONG!!!!!!!!!**

Thornclaw: ...Hey.

Larkwing: No, you've never heard of me. I am in StarClan. I am everything, and nothing. I am the earth and the sky. I am fire and water. I am _aaaalll_ _powerfuuul_. I am in *gasp!* your _miiind_. I can see into the _fuuuuture_. You have NO secrets from meee.... *mystical music* Doo. Doo-op doo. DooodoodundummydumdoooooOP! (That was my mystical music. You like?)

Lionblaze: You know what would be gross?

Jayfeather: What?

Lionblaze: Hollyleaf's kits.

Jayfeather: Eeeewwww.....

Jayfeather: You know what would be grosser?

Lionblaze: What?

Jayfeather: Hollyleaf's _butt_.

Lionblaze: Eeeewwww.....

Squirrelflight: You boys are sooo immature... But I'm not your mother anymore so NOT MY PROBLEM!!

Ferncloud: Now now children don't go mocking your crazy evil sister.

Hollyleaf: (mua,ha,ha) *foams at the mouth*

Dustpelt: *having a random freak out* Great StarClan. Great holy flipping StarClan. Oh my great holy flipping star-forsaken StarClan. Oh my--

ALL: **SHUT THE STARCLAN UP!!!**

...

Firestar: I wonder if Spottedleaf has any clothes on right now....

Sandstorm: Remind me to kill him later.


End file.
